Sunday, August 09, 2009

Law of Conservation of Stupidity.

It's been ages since I've written something on Scatterbrain but have been disgruntled about this subject for a while now. My wife is a fantastic baker and cook, so I'm often seen chowing down on delicious brownies, cakes, cookies, or whatever amazing meal she's whipped up. And people often comment, "Just wait 'till your metabolism slows down." Or "I remember when I could eat like that." Well guess what? I don't remember a time when I've ever been able to pig out on junk food and have experienced some sort of consequence. I'll eat cookies but that's intertwined into a day of multiple, small meals featuring fiber and the correct quantities of protein and carbs, interspersed with protein shakes and.........wait for it......LARGE quantities of exercise.

This is what just spurred me to blab on the internet for the first time in ages:

"People who go to the gym get fatter."

Things like this just blow my mind, but on the same token, it's typical of society. The other day I went to the store to pick up some more protein powder, and the lady at the counter opined, "I've bought this in the past but I'm not seeing any results. It must be working for you, though!" Yeah, that's because I exercise for a couple hours per day and have the correct diet.

One day I'm going to write a book called "The Law of Conservation of Mass." It's going to be the re-unveiling of an ages old concept that almost everyone knows yet few seem to comprehend. I'll change a few dollars for this book of mythical wisdom, and inside the book will the token knowledge that to lose weight you must burn more calories than you consume. It's not rocket science. Seriously. Yes, some people are easier losers than others, and some people have wacky metabolisms that make things harder for them, but I fiercely believe that consistency will ultimately yield people the results they are looking for.

One of the things I'm begrudgingly learning is most of the things that adults told me when I was younger were correct. I had a teacher in high school tell the class "You people want A's, but you don't want to do the work." Welcome to my current view on life in general.

So, for those of you that go to the gym, then hit up a nice Italian dinner featuring a few bread sticks, a large bowl of fettuccine Alfredo, and a large slice of cheesecake, WISE UP and realize why you aren't losing weight. It's really not that complicated. And along the way, don't be surprised when I give you a sarcastic look when you say I'm "lucky" for being in shape.

154 Comments:

Blogger Christopher J. Bottaro said...

Uhh, wasn't the article making that exact point? To sum up the article... exercise _may_ increase your hunger which _may_ cause you to eat more, and because diet is more important than exercise (in terms of losing weight), thus _may_ cause you to gain weight.

Let me quantify "more important". It's pretty hard to burn 500 calories (1 hour running), but it's extremely easy to eat 500 calories in a muffin (5 mins).

Yes, the article has this ridiculous "spin" to it, but the heart of the content is pretty spot on: people exercise a little, then eat a lot, resulting in a net/net of a calorie surplus.

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Blogger robby said...

welcome back Badger!

SO right! it's not luck! it hard work, consistent training, and eating right - three rules to live by

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Blogger Yoda said...

This article below argues that soft, cooked food, like fettuccine alfredo, is more digestible. Dr. Richard Wrangham, of Harvard, suspects that the obesity epidemic is not due to overeating, but the rise of processed food.

"Cooking increases the share of food digested in the stomach and small intestine, where it can be absorbed, from 50% to 95%.."

What's cooking?
http://www.economist.com/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13139619&CFID=78220266&CFTOKEN=85234046

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Blogger Mat said...

And I quote: "Dr. Richard Wrangham, of Harvard, suspects that the obesity epidemic is not due to overeating, but the rise of processed food"...

Yeah, dream on... It's easier to quote a doctor than to stop eating rubbish. How about stop eating rubbish? Or, put in a different way, "why not stop eating rubbish...?"

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Blogger Mat said...

Pssssst, as an alternative, you could also stop eating rubbish...

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Blogger Mat said...

The thing that always p*sses me off is when I listen to (= overhear) girls talking about the last and obviously greatest diet ever discovered by mankind,... whatever. And they are supposed to lose god-knows-how-many-pounds per day.

Then again, how could they...?

Girls! Do the basic maths! You cannot possibly lose a million, billion pounds in a week. Sorry.

And do NOT starve yourselves to death just to achieve it.

Why the hell would you...? How could you...?

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Blogger Mat said...

So, here's a friendly, healthy tip: go heavy on the proteins (meat, meat, meat), and cut the carbohydrates (pasta, bread, all types of sugars) and please stop eating rubbish, and you _will_ unconditionally lose about 1kg of fat per week. Note the use of the term "unconditionally". That's no magic, it's really, really basic.

11:14 PM  
Blogger Mat said...

I know that lots of people may get upset, but take a deep breath and listen: if you burn more calories than you consume you'll lose weight.

If you're American, you may also lose weight by watching a television series about losing weight, or buying a series of treatments related to losing weight (maybe even pills). Or maybe you can sue someone because you're fat.

Normal people, however, try to eat less and exercise more. Sorry, that's the only tip I'll ever give you... Good luck and good night.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Mat said...

But then again -- I'm known to be both sarcastic... And correct...

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