Sunday, August 09, 2009

Law of Conservation of Stupidity.

It's been ages since I've written something on Scatterbrain but have been disgruntled about this subject for a while now. My wife is a fantastic baker and cook, so I'm often seen chowing down on delicious brownies, cakes, cookies, or whatever amazing meal she's whipped up. And people often comment, "Just wait 'till your metabolism slows down." Or "I remember when I could eat like that." Well guess what? I don't remember a time when I've ever been able to pig out on junk food and have experienced some sort of consequence. I'll eat cookies but that's intertwined into a day of multiple, small meals featuring fiber and the correct quantities of protein and carbs, interspersed with protein shakes and.........wait for it......LARGE quantities of exercise.

This is what just spurred me to blab on the internet for the first time in ages:

"People who go to the gym get fatter."

Things like this just blow my mind, but on the same token, it's typical of society. The other day I went to the store to pick up some more protein powder, and the lady at the counter opined, "I've bought this in the past but I'm not seeing any results. It must be working for you, though!" Yeah, that's because I exercise for a couple hours per day and have the correct diet.

One day I'm going to write a book called "The Law of Conservation of Mass." It's going to be the re-unveiling of an ages old concept that almost everyone knows yet few seem to comprehend. I'll change a few dollars for this book of mythical wisdom, and inside the book will the token knowledge that to lose weight you must burn more calories than you consume. It's not rocket science. Seriously. Yes, some people are easier losers than others, and some people have wacky metabolisms that make things harder for them, but I fiercely believe that consistency will ultimately yield people the results they are looking for.

One of the things I'm begrudgingly learning is most of the things that adults told me when I was younger were correct. I had a teacher in high school tell the class "You people want A's, but you don't want to do the work." Welcome to my current view on life in general.

So, for those of you that go to the gym, then hit up a nice Italian dinner featuring a few bread sticks, a large bowl of fettuccine Alfredo, and a large slice of cheesecake, WISE UP and realize why you aren't losing weight. It's really not that complicated. And along the way, don't be surprised when I give you a sarcastic look when you say I'm "lucky" for being in shape.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

For Your Amusement.

I'm not sure who wrote this, and Google isn't telling me, but I found it on a message board and it's too good not to quote here. If anyone knows who the author is, let me know.

"MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced that he would skip his senior season and ascend directly into heaven.

Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman winner entered the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters fainted.

"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued.

"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.

"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America.

"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth." "

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Is It Real?

Right now I'm listening to the new Guns n' Roses album, Chinese Democracy. Yes, the one we've been waiting what, 15 years for? I have to say, thus far, it's freaking awesome. Go buy it!


Those of you who witnessed OU's absolute drubbing of Texas Tech yesterday might think "wow, OU is impressive and should surely jump both Texas Tech and Texas in the polls. You'd also be wrong. Look at the body of evidence we have, most notably that Texas beat OU on a neutral field. The argument is summarized nicely here: Link.

My second general musing this morning is work; I noted in my last post that I am going to transition into a new position at work soon. I should now say "transitioning." The proverbial can of worms have been opened up already, it seems, and I'm still mostly full-time in my current position, but also doing a lot of work for the new team. The bottom line here is that I worked much longer hours the past week than I have in a long time. They were good hours, though, and I'm happy about the general situation. But yes, I was too tired by the time I got home last week to blog all about it. One of these days I'll be able to write more than once a week, hopefully sooner than later.

In the meantime, remember: OU Sucks!!!!!!

Saturday, November 15, 2008


So, why has there been a lack of blog posts on Scatterbrain lately?

Long story short: at the beginning of 2009 I'll be switching positions within my company. This is the culmination of Job Quest 2008: I had decided that after the acquisition of my MBA and the fact that every mentor I know has told me I can't stay in any one job more than "a few" years (and I've been in my current job more than 6) I have been working hard to move to something new over the last few months, and the hard work has finally paid off. On the same token, I found out that job-hunting is one of the most tiring and stressful activities on the planet, especially when you want to keep outperforming in your current job, so by the time I came home from work my brain was a pile of mush. The good news is that the persistence paid off, and out of all the jobs I applied for (there were many), I ended up getting the one I wanted the most.

Of course, there's also the election-and-financial-disaster thing that's been going on lately. I've had so many personal and e-mail conversations with friends and family that I had no inclination to talk about any of those things on the blog either.

Then, there's the last week: Monika and I went to Hawaii! We spent a week on the island of Oahu with a couple friends of ours and had a total blast. Now that we're back it's going to be painful going back to work.

So, the good news is that Job Quest 2008 is over and was a success, the election is over, I've accepted that the economy is going to be heinous for the foreseeable future and we just need to accept it, and I'm now well-rested from the vacation. So hopefully I can get back to writing more than once every few weeks.

Here's a token photo for you, a watch that I bought in Hawaii. The brand is Bathys (pronounced like "Mathis," but with a 'B') and the model is 100 Fathoms. As most of you know, I've become a massive watch fiend, and this is a popular enthusiast watch. Designed in Hawaii, Swiss made. It's a quartz watch, which I purposefully wanted because most of mine are automatics, and I wanted something I could just pick up and put on instead of having to set it. I forgot to take a picture of the caseback, which has a nice relief of all the Hawaiian islands. Enjoy:

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Pumpkin Rules.

What can I say? It's awesome.