Friday, August 31, 2007

What Happened to My Youth?

Yesterday Mrs. Badger and I had sushi for dinner. While we were eating, a group of young girls walked in. I thought it was funny that high school kids were into sushi these days (I didn’t even try sushi ‘till late in college). Mrs. Badger informed me that these girls were most assuredly college students. I thought “but they look like babies. OH MY GOD, I’M OLD!”

A few days ago I went to the courts for my routine Tuesday hit. Sometime after the mini-tennis-warm-up my right calf started to feel strange, then annoying, then downright painful. It wasn’t the muscle, but the tendons. The feeling reminded me of when I accidentally squeezed a forearm ball for an hour or so and blew up my hand (apparently you are only supposed to use those things a couple minutes per day). The odd part was that there was no warning – my legs had felt fine walking around all day before then.

Perhaps I can rectify these dreary feelings by injecting a little bit of youth into my music. What is it the kids are listening to these days, Britney Spears? Maybe I’ll pick up her latest album so I can kick it top-40-style.

What's that? She turned into a skanky crack whore?! Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!

What happened to my youth?!

How to Protect Your Kids.

When making a right turn onto a street with plentiful traffic, don’t bother looking before you turn – go right ahead. Before executing this maneuver, ensure that your 4 kids are bouncing around in the backseat, not wearing a seatbelt, so they can look at you curiously while you’re slamming on your brakes, thinking to yourself, “she must consider the welfare of herself and her family priority #1.”

Where can I learn these skills?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Kudos for the Ambition...

...But I just don't understand why the hell someone would waste time ranking the top 500 players in the NFL. Apparently Peter King thought it was a worthwhile exercise. Top 100 - I could be convinced that we need to sort through at least a few players in each position, but a top 500?!

On a positive note, Chris Simms, former quarterback of my beloved Texas Longhorns, made the list at number 500. He must feel special!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I Have a Great Idea!

Let's put Michael Vick and DMX in a cage at let them have at each other. Once they are dead-tired from scrapping it out, we'll put about 100 of the dogs they've abused over the past God-knows-how-many years in the ring and let the dogs demonstrate how they feel about their worthless, scum-sucking owners.

The Cold Fish.

1. Arrive at a party somewhat sweaty and/or dirty, or get ready with your naturally sweaty hands (not mandatory, but a nice touch).
2. Meet someone new.
3. Extend hand.
4. Upon contact with the other person's hand, instead of the "wrap and squeeze," simply hold your hand idle, so that your target uncomfortably squeezes something cool, damp, and totally limp.
5. You have now issued a cold fish.

I encounter this at least a few times a year. Women aren't expected to have a firm handshake (although it's pleasant when they do), so it's okay to grab a woman's limp hand without feeling too disgusted about it. But a big, hairy man-hand? Absolutely revolting. Do these guys secretly wear panties under their jeans?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

A Sure-Fire Sign of the Apocalypse.

I took a screen-shot of this yesterday, I was so taken aback. Uh-oh...

I'm thinking "Google: the Microsoft of the future"

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Go Rangers!

30-freaking-runs in one game. Wow.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"The Electric Church."

Yesterday I got the opportunity to scarf down a a book of the future - "The Electric Church" by Jeff Somers. It's actually not out 'till September 25th (I think that's correct) but I managed to obtain an advanced copy.

Onc characterization is "Kill Bill meets Blade Runner" and that's fairly accurate. The book takes place in the not-too-distant future where yen is the currency of choice (a nice subtlety) and killing a man is akin to squashing a mosquito. Our hero, Avery Cates, becomes intertwined in a messy plot hindered by the SSP (cops you do not want to mess with) and the Monks, superficially a race of robots with human brains donated by those seeking eternal life to purge their sins.

Although the setting is a bit tired, the novel injects enough originality and venom to make it captivating. Within the first 50 pages or so, the body count and number of expletives had already far outnumbered any I've encountered in another book, which of course renders this a must-read. If you're a sci-fi junkie like myself, I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


On Sunday I went to Waco for a hellishly hot league match. The occasion was the "Battle of the Losers," i.e. the teams that didn't win their playoff matches had the chance to compete for "Best Loser." We couldn't pass it up.

It turns out we weren't cut out for that crown either. I played in our Sunday round and had an interesting match. The guy I played was typically a doubles player. His strategy was essentially "one and done": he actually never even volleyed as far as I can remember, he just teed off on both sides of groundstrokes, and he was a good player so about half the time those go-for-broke shots ended up winners down one of the lines. The bottom line of this characteristic is "horrendous game for The Badger," since I'm a rhythm player. I never got a solid look at the guy's strokes, plus it was hot enough to make my legs somewhat more sluggish than usual. Overall, I served well, played some shots with nice hands, and felt pretty good about the match, but I lost in anticlimactic fashion 3 and 3. If I were to play the guy again I'd have to hit him a lot more deep slice to try to get inside his head, a strategy I usually hate with a passion, but in a context where I'd prefer to win for my team I'd give it a shot.

Scatterbrain will most likely be out of comission for a few days as I go to Seattle for the continuation of "Wedding Fest 2007," only a shadow of the intensity of "Wedding Fest 2006."

On another random note, Miles almost broke my frickin' nose yesterday. I got home from work and he was outside with my wife. He came bounding toward me for the requisite "HI, DADDY" tail-wagging routine. When he came upon me he started sniffing my shoes and I bent over to pat him on his belly, and he spontaneously lifted his head with lighting speed and cracked me right in the nose. It still hurts, but not too badly. Like my friend Dr. T-Rapper noted, I'm not hideously deformed so there is nothing to be concerned about.

Finally, it's nice to see that Texas is back in the good 'ol triple-digits. I was beginning to think we were becoming a pansy state, like those other non-Texas states. We can melt more crap on our concrete than you! Bring it!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

In Honor of the T-Rapper.

From a comment in my last post:

"T-rapper said...
Is there any CD or movie that you don't love, or isn't the greatest ever? ;) "

Why yes, there is a movie called Night Call Nurses which is THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME. Yes, even worse than The Blair Witch Project. (Certain parties disagree with me on this point.)

I'm Now a Zombie.

I'm now discovering the myth and legend that is Facebook. I have complained about Myspace before, but somehow hadn't gotten around to joining Facebook. Well, now I have. See you on the actually-usable-user-interface side...

Monday, August 06, 2007

“Young Modern.”

Usually it takes me at least a few weeks to warm up to a new album, but after only a few days I can enthusiastically urge you to buy Silverchair’s newest, Young Modern. It’s simply amazing. In case your image of Silverchair is that of the 15-year-old kids that burst onto the scene with “Tomorrow,” a hot grunge single in 1995, suffice it to say that they have grown and changed in many ways over the years.

Young Modern has catchy rock riffs, lush orchestration, introspective lyrics, and captivating continuity. It’s also got the first song in a while that sends shivers up my spine with every listen – the rousing, fist-pumping “Straight Lines.” I guarantee you’ll feel a serious inclination to conquer the day after cranking it up.

Edit: you can even get a sampler by listening to the entire album here.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Rocket Dog.

What is this, you ask?

That's what my puppy did when the cone came off his head a few minutes ago. He's fairly happy, to say the least.