Monday, October 02, 2006


Yesterday, one of my friends said I look “tan,” and I just about fell over and died on the spot. You see, “tan” and “Adam” never go together, let alone in the same sentence. I don’t tan, I burn. And then I go from burnt back to pale. That’s just the way it works. Conan O’Brien joked a few months ago about how his family crest is adorned with bottles of sunscreen, and the same applies for me. So needless to say, “tan Adam” comes as a shock to me. Apparently during the 8-mile hell-trek yesterday, wherein I began wearing my typical long-sleeve-sun-blocking Nike Dri-Fit shirt but had to remove it halfway to avoid keeling over and dying in the 95-degree heat, some sunlight penetrated by thick slab of SPF-30 sunblock and turned my skin from “pale” to “less pale.”

Last night I saw Alice in Chains live. Come again, you say? Their lead singer has been dead for 4 years, you say? Yep – they are touring with William DuVall, a guy from a band you’ve probably never heard of who sounds quite a bit like Layne Staley.

Let me pause a moment to describe the full-circle nature of this concert. AIC were slated to be my first concert ever back in 1993-ish, when they were touring with Metallica and Suicidal Tendencies. At the last minute, AIC pulled out due to Layne overdosing (big shocker). I never got another chance to see them live, because I’m fairly sure they never toured anywhere in the vicinity. Needless to say, I was incredibly happy to hear I’d get another shot last night.

The concert was awesome. They played everything I really wanted to hear, including “Nutshell,” although that was one of the only moments where I really missed Layne’s voice. For the most part, however, DuVall did a fantastic impersonation. When he was harmonizing with Jerry Cantrell, it almost sounded like the real thing.

One of the best aspects of the show was the general vibe between the band and the crowd. The band members clearly loved every moment of the show, and the crowd was incredibly excited, fists pumping and totally engaged with every song. At one point early in the set, some asshole threw a cup of beer up on stage between songs, and Jerry Cantrell said “hey man, if you don’t like it, you can just get the fuck out of here” to riotous applause from the crowd. They Jerry said to William “someone’s always gotta be a dick,” amusingly referring to a slogan printed on the back of one of the shirts for sale at the merchandise stand. They had a good chuckle, and so did I.

Attention concertgoers: why would you ever throw a cup of beer at the stage? Let’s see: you paid $8 for that cup of beer, so you obviously don’t value your money. Or your beer. Did you actually buy the beer as a projectile, and not as a drink? Of course, then there’s the even-more-obvious fact that you paid $40 to get into the concert including the $15 Ticketmaster-bending-you-over-charge, plus $12 for parking, and now you’re HARASSING THE BAND YOU PAID MONEY TO SEE. What the hell is your problem?! To quote Jackie Chan from “Rumble in the Bronx,” “Don’t you know you are the scum of the earth?”


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