No Celebrities Can Beat Me at Tennis.

Yesterday, watching the US Open final, I was once again intrigued to see which celebrities would show up to watch the match and what the commentators would say about them. The source of my intrigue, though, is speculating about who can kick who's ass at tennis. Namely, I'm pretty sure I can lay a massive beat-down on 90% of those celebs. Djokovic's box contained Robert DeNiro, for example. Something tells me I'd smoke DeNiro 1 and 1. Dustin Hoffman? Double-donut. The guy is too short - I'd just spin it over his head.

Two celebs intrigue me the most, because their skill level is such an enigma - Gavin Rossdale (former lead singer of Bush, married to Gwen Stafani, was sitting next to Federer's girlfriend) and Scott Adams (Dilbert). Both of these guys are fairly well-publicized as tennis nuts and also seem to be in fairly good shape. If I were rich, in great shape, and loved tennis as these guys do, I'd play virtually every day, and my hitting partners would be no less than club-pro level in skill. I can't afford to pay a pro $40/hour for a lesson every day, but they theoretically can. Or let's be serious - if you're them, you might have taken some lessons in the past, but since you are now a rich, famous tennis player, I seriously doubt you now have to pay to find a hitting partner.

I've tried looking up Scott Adams and Gavin Rossdale on USTA's site to see if they have official results, rankings, or ratings. There are too many results for the former and nothing for the latter. Since I've actually been pondering their skills for multiple years (yes, I'm that pathetic) and haven't been able to come up with anything, I can only logically conclude I can kick their asses big-time.

Scatterbrain: home of the guy that can beat Scott Adams and Gavin Rossdale at tennis.

P.S. Scott/Gavin - If you disagree, I triple-dog-dare you to fly me out to your location of choice so I can issue a beat-down.