Madness!

Sometimes I’m mystified by the number of things I can do at once. I won’t go into boring details (I’m often told that I get far too “into the weeds” when rambling about work), but suffice it to say that I have a hearty chuckle when I think about how worthless I was as a new employee, but now run multiple tasks at once and somehow manage to keep it all straight in my head.

During said multi-tasking tonight, I made a quick trip to an Academy a couple miles or so away from work to buy a golf bag transporter case so my clubs can go with me to Nashville this weekend. Academy apparently sells exactly one type of case, which I purchased. As I approached the Vette, I had many doubts, but they waned slightly as I eyeballed the trunk. “Wow, this thing might actually fit,” I thought. I popped the trunk, and…damn, I needed a couple more inches of room. No dice. Oh, well, I’ll have to put the damn thing in the front seat.

Or not.

Last alternative – lean the front seat forward and lay the bag behind the passenger seats. And...nope. Unbe-freaking-lievable. Before you start berating me, rest assured that the vette can hold an uncanny amount of cargo. However, apparently it maxes out at something that’s 46” long and completely rigid. So, two minutes later, I returned the damn case. I’ll have to go back in the 4Runner later.

Speaking of golf, the last time I played was the day I got married – ah, the “Savage Thunder Open.” (But that’s another story) Since it’s been so long since I’ve played, I’ll probably be fairly awful this weekend, which would change my game by approximately nothing.

I’m drinking from a bottle of Dasani water right now. Of course, I refill these approximately 142 times before throwing them away – basically, I know it’s time to throw them away when I can visually discern aquatic life beginning to cultivate at the bottom of the bottle. I always wonder, though, who “invented” bottled water? I mean, the genius here is staggering. A bottle of water costs MORE than a Coke, and the Coke has “substance.” This begs the question – if you have equally-sized containers of water and Coke, but the Coke is cheaper, despite containing other ingredients, the implication to me is that pure water sells at a premium, which implies that Coke is syrup mixed with carbonated toxic waste. Think about it.

The new Red Hot Chili Peppers album is fantastic, and at $8.99 for a double-disc, you’re on the verge of insanity if you don’t purchase it. I’m rocking out to it as we speak. If you were put off by their last album which had an extra tablespoon of pansy, rest assured that “Stadium Arcadium” veers back toward the direction of the swaggering, funky Chili Peppers, which is where they really shine.

How many times do you guys wear pants before you wash them? Clearly one wear is over the top, you germ-o-phobe. Two, three? Duration also counts big-time here. You can get by with a good 5 rounds if you’re throwing them on to check the mail and then returning to clothing-freedom upon your return. If you were going commando-style, though, you better wash those pants…gross!

Before I consume the banana in front of me, I’d like to give a shout-out to Maria Sharapova – you rule because you’ve won two Slams (Wimbledon and the US Open), you’re pretty as a picture (at least, Nike says so), you grunt louder than Sam Kenison would if his cheeseburger were pilfered, and last but not least, you apparently can’t figure out by yourself when it’s time to eat a freaking banana. Pa-thetic (for those of you not in the know, there was a lengthy debacle during the Open because she and her coach/dad were clearly signaling each other, and she claimed it was to remind her to eat, you know, because in the heat of competition she can’t possibly remember to eat on her own volition).

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